i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
