I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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