my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize