too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
