Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
