I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
