I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
