The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
