It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
