I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
