if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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