As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
