Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
