you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
