I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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