I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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