dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
