there's paper in my vomit.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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