She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
