do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
