Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
