So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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