ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
