i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
