I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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