Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
