you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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