At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
