I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize