his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
