just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
