we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
