then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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