"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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