I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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