Do you still have your period?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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