Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
