my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
i now understand why vodka
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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