I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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