i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
