Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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