3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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