i need an iv and a liver transplant
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
