Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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