Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
