oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
