i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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