I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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