apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
