His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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