Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
