That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
