You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
