you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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