yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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