My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
