I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
