I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
