Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
