this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
