My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
