I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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