They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
