you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
