Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
