suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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