He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
