plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
