I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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