you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
