ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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