I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
