I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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