guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
