I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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