he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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