I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You've changed since you got that strap on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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