My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
