Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
