I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
