I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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