I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
