I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
