So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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